Uno,
So you were out with T. as his consort again?
then he launches into his shtick? poor Uno!
Sounds like a similar situation with me and my
T….probably pretty much a syndrome of long
marriages comprised of powerful, yet socially
subordinate women married to powerful men. (yes Uno
YOU are powerful!)
This time of our lives, we women, we’ve had it.
plain and simple. we’ve done it! all of it and over
and over again!
I’m speaking for me of course, but thinking some or
most may resonate with you.
I’ve been the help mate, listener, encourager,
mommy, cook, charming hostess, sex kitten, confidant, sounding board…all of it and many times over.
Now it’s my time, MY TIME, and I’m bursting to live
it. and I’m not talking any thing grand like I’m
gonna be famous or make some kind of extraordinary
break through, no, it’s just that i want to live for
me in my way, have my own thoughts without being
interrupted, or feeling guilty, or having to listen,
do, or say things I don’t want to…
This is not just us, or me, you know…it’s a rite
of passage for women at our stage in
life…aware,awake women anyway. Your Love may have
been the catalyst for you, my “realization” of my
sexuality, (bi or otherwise) was/is mine.
We deserve to live our lives, it’s not selfish.
look at us! we are always doing things for others, or
we withdraw and do nothing.
Dee. you know, Dee I was trying to figure why she
was thrown in my path. but here is a totally “I”
centered person, she always was only involved in
herself, then i meet her, “me,”
I’m not there, I’m only “there” in so far as I’m
creating or making something up, even the programs I
run…they were/are so that I can be around people.
to be around people in some meaningful way that I can
control and people will think well of me.
I’m not going to demonizes Dee, and like you and your
reaction to your love,J., I’m resisting objectifying her. all
the things that i can say about her in a negative
light were all the things that I tried to understand,
accept and love in a positive light just a little
while before. She is what she is, and that’s that.
I’m grateful for the times we had, few and fleeting as
they were.
But I visualize her! HER LIFE! HER HOUSE! HERS! all
things her way!
I never understood why women of a certain age would bother to divorce…thought that it
was stupid to at their age destroy their place in
society by getting rid of the socially acceptable
marriage…I thought it better to at least close out
life as married rather than as a “loser” and divorced.
But now I’m seeing things differently. I’m starting to
value by own time and peace of mind over what I think
the perceptions of society are.
Tonight I saw a film on channel 13, just happened
to come upon it as I was lying there vegetating, and
feeling low and alone. I recognized an actor friend
a well respected NY actress. It was a film about her, her family and in particular her son, who has Aspberger’s syndrome a rare form of autism.
This was an independent film made by
her daughter and it was about the son who
has this condition. He is very smart in some ways but
out to lunch when it comes to picking up social cues,
he just doesn’t quite “get it” and that gets him in
trouble with the world…anyway it was a wonderful
film and while I’d actually met this boy, and knew
that he had some sort of condition, well I didn’t
really know the extent of the problem and the
monumental challenge this family faces, (pretty
similar to what my younger sister goes through). anyway it was extraordinary on many levels and I knew T. was wacthing it also.
After it was over I went downstairs to T’s apartment
to talk to him. He no sooner begins to talk then he
launches into this puffed up stuff about the actress and all
the intrigue he had with her up at this prestious
theater company they were both a part
of…pontificating and shoring his ego up! dropping
big names… Blah, blah, blab!
Oye! I just couldn’t take it! he doesn’t even
stay on a subject before it’s all about him!And what
am I? his audience? Really,I’ve had it! just
had it! not interested! let him find someone else, or
talk to the wall!
Our time is coming…it’s actually here, just not
the really great part– YET!
xoxoxoxox
Due
*’When in doubt they decided to let things
go a bit, believe, hope, dream, and let the Universe
show them the way.’ ( Book I, chapter 47, page 697,
line 5, Jouney of Two Souls)
